Monday, March 30, 2009

Necrovision Review (or what i call the 4Ds)

Platform: PC
Genre: FPS

So for my first review I'm going to sink my fangs into Necrovision. Now to clarify this isn't an actual review since i didn't finish the game or even play half of it for that matter but I had my reasons as you'll see.

First off this game is what happens when you let the dark side win (I can assure you they have no cookies and the cake is indeed a lie). The game was created by a mixed team, half were creators of Painkiller and the other half creators of Medal of Honor. What we got was a WWI shooter with zombies and/or evil thingies trying to kill you. Pretty standard stuff if you ask me except for the part where the hero finds it complicated to walk up those damn stairs but we'll get to that. I don't know how they managed to screw it up considering that Painkiller was just plain fun and as Yahtzee pointed out it had a gun that shoots shurikens and lightning so what more could you ask for.

Never Ever and did i mention EVER try to play this on a low'll get to see some very pretty pixels up close and personal. Might be because of the older Painkiller engine that's used or the misalignment of planets but the game looks horrible on lower resolutions so just don't (yes, i have played it on max res and everything at a friends house, this does not affect my review).

The game starts with a nice cutscene that makes no sense whatsoever showing a guy with some type of metalic kill-a-demon(TM) arm that ..well...kills a demon with it. Well it was either a demon or a guy who fell through a lot of barbed wire and still looked cool while doing it. Afterwards you kill some dude, get a gun, and you're off to save the world from demons(TM) yet again. Nothing wrong until you notice that the soldiers shooting at you have a button called "press and instantly hit main hero" since they shoot you every time and from every location as probable or improbable as it may be. Did i mention they wear like 3-4 kevlar vests each? It's easier to teach a baboon poetry than to kill something in Necrovision. I loved both game the devs made but someone should tell these guys never to make a game together. The pacing of this game sucks: you either get one enemy or a swarm, it takes ages to reload and most guns are useless anyway because of the recoil. So what are you left with? Trying to kill zombies with pistols or alternatively a shovel. So let's say you get to level 2 then you get a cinematic than makes no sense since it has nothing to do with what happened just a few seconds before...if you make any sense of that story I will personally make you a nobel prize out of gold and pancakes.

So how does the cookie crumble?
the bad: Story makes no sense, Should be called Die-o-vision, Hates low-res
the good: The shovel, Killing 50 zombies with a shovel, It has the 4Ds(Die! Dead Dudes Die!)

(this will be updated when the planets align and i finish it so..I'm never gonna finish this or play it again...ever)

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